cayman expats Archives - Island Diaries by Kate

20 Signs You Are Basic AF – Cayman Edition

We left our countries, we moved to the Cayman Islands, and now we think we are absolved of all ‘basic betch’ tendencies. Guess again. Mainstream culture will hunt us down and find us even on a tiny rock in the Caribbean Sea. It tempts us with surface level validation and keeps us coming back for more until we are left wondering if maybe we should have just moved to Nepal to become a monk. Maybe you’re in denial or maybe you’ve fully accepted that you’re basic AF (I have). Whatever the case may be, read the 20 signs below to determine just how basic you really are (in Cayman terms.)

1. ‘Ms. Piper’ is your “spirit animal”

“Live a little, am I right?!”

2. You’re launching your career as a bikini influencer

“When in Rome!”

3. You call the stingrays “sea pups” (but only in Insta captions)

“Aren’t they just the cutest?!”

(…Until they mistake your finger for chum. Not so cute anymore).

4. You’ve sabered the Tattinger at Tillie’s brunch (or wish you had)

Because there are few things more thrilling than obscenely large bottles of overpriced champagne and cavalry weapons.

5. If it’s on the Palm Heights rooftop, you’re so there

Sound healing, spin class, full moon party — doesn’t matter. Us basic girls will be there documenting every second.

6. You couldn’t possibly take a “wellness shot” without first putting it on your story

“Like, what would even be the point then?”

7. You went to Vigoro once, and now you’re a self-proclaimed “plant mama”

“Someone cut Brittany off, she’s literally on her 20th succulent.”

8. You threw a birthday party for yourself at Rum Point Club

“No, but just like SUPER low key.”

9. Your WhatsApp is full of group chats with names like “Girls just wanna have fun” and “Social butterflies”

“I can’t bring myself to leave the chat…Don’t want to burn any bridges on this microscopic island.”

10. Your hair service at Lift is more expensive than a plane ticket

“Yeah, but I’m stuck on this island, so what else am I going to do with my money?”

11. A wave of nostalgia sweeps over you every time you think of Target.

“I just miss everything about it. It was my therapy.”

12. The Gaelic Gala is where you live out your unrealized prom queen aspirations

“I just came to support my team.”

13. Your love language is Paradise Pizza.

“I like, can’t even imagine a world in which the Mr. White does not exist.” *Shivers just thinking about it.*

14. You still order pumpkin spice lattes despite the 90 degree weather

“Nothing will stand between me and Fall vibes. Not even this Caribbean climate.”

**15. Island in the Sun by Weezer speaks to you on a “spiritual level.”**

“I was divinely guided to the Caribbean. I didn’t choose the island life, the island life chose me.”

16. You prefer Kirk Market to Foster’s because of their in-store playlist (and legume pasta selection, obviously)

*Walking down the frozen aisle to Brown Eyed Girl* “Hold on, let me just Shazam this quick.”

17. You’ve posed on the Barefoot Beach stairs

“OMG, where even are we? This so does not look like Cayman!”

GUILTY.

18. You like to think of Seven Mile Beach as is its own independent country.

“West Bay? Never heard of ’em.”

19. You get nervous at the farmer’s market and panic-buy coconut water.

“This looks nothing like the Madison farmer’s market.”

20. It’s pretty much a guarantee that your weekend escapades will land you at the Bird

Nothing says ‘basic’ like a parking lot party.

MEET KATE

Hi, I’m Kate! I’m a Wisconsin native who traded her snow boots for flip-flops in May of 2020 when I packed my whole life into two suitcases and moved to the Cayman Islands with my partner, Bryan. I created Island Diaries as a way to document my island adventures and share about the Cayman lifestyle. A Midwest girl at heart, I bring a fresh perspective to Caribbean life, serving as a guide for locals and tourists alike on all things Cayman Islands. Whether you are local to Cayman, planning to visit, or just curious about island life, I invite you to explore Island Diaries and let this site guide you on your next island adventure!

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Let’s call a spade a spade. We Cayman expats are a quirky, pretentious bunch. While most of us are generally kind, well-intentioned people, we are all guilty of falling into some slightly pompous (often predictable) behaviors…myself included. Plop someone in paradise, give them a nice salary, and BOOM, you’ve got a diminished grip on reality and an inflated sense of self importance. It’s time we own up to our expat idiosyncrasies and enjoy a laugh at our own expense. Are you ready to see where you rank on the scale? You may be a Cayman expat if…

1. Your dinner conversations revolve around rescue ‘doggos’ and at some point during the evening one of the dog moms even whips outs their “doggie cam” app to check on Hazel the foster pup.

2. You throw around the slogan “ADOPT DON’T SHOP” but have secretly joined a Bernese Mountain Dog puppy waitlist (for when you move back to Canada).

3. You willingly (even enthusiastically) go to Back Room with the understanding that it is a cigar bar, but spend the whole night complaining about secondhand smoke.

4. You rave about lychee martinis but have no idea what the fuck a lychee actually is.

5. You identify fellow expats by their Instagram handles. “Is that Cayman_Chiara?? She so does NOT look like her pictures.

6. You don’t actually mind wearing masks again at the supermarkets because it mitigates redundant interactions with casual acquaintances (because you’re like SUCH an empath and can’t take on that kind of energy.)

7. Speaking of supermarket run-ins, you may be a Cayman expat if you’ve had a conversation at Fosters that goes something like this:

-Hey, don’t I know you from somewhere?

-Yeah, I think we met at a boat party.

-Uhhhhhhh yeah, that’s it. (Doesn’t remember said boat party at all…very foggy)

8. You turn the AC down to 60 degrees in your house just so you can enjoy some “sweater weather.”

9. You performed “reiki” on a friend’s disabled cat (that was rescued/kidnapped from Rum Point). He’s now climbing stairs and he’s never done that before, swear to God –– Sorry, *Universe.*

10. You can’t go to the beach at sunset without putting it on your Instagram story. *Queue Sunset Lover by Petit Biscuit* Just kidding, we don’t have Instagram music in Cayman GOD D**** IT!!!!!!!

11. You’re having a birthday party for your golden retriever.

12. You swore you’d never staycation 5 minutes from your apartment and then BOOM, you’re unloading hundreds (thousands?) of dollars for a weekend at the Ritz Carlton. (But they had early check in and late check out so it was ABSOLUTELY worth it.)

13. You take pictures of the pool at your complex but can count on one hand the number of times you’ve actually gone in it #OfficeViews

14. You post stories of your Green2go Juice cleanse. #SoberSeptember

15. You debate leaving Cayman every couple of days but then have a daquiri on the beach and decide you’ll stay because it’s not actually that bad.

16. You are living out your unrealized professional sports dreams in the form of touch rugby.

17. You over-emphasize the MAN in Cayman out of fear of being criticized but proceed to pronounce it Cay’men’ when on the phone with your parents.

18. Anything outside of Seven Mile may as well be on the other side of the world in your book.

19. You drive a Honda Fit (or a Tesla), depending on your occupation and level of bouje.

20. You complain about extortionate grocery prices but don’t blink an eye at your brunch bill.

21. You got your PADI certification and haven’t been diving since.

22. You humble brag about not having any weekend plans like you’re taking some kind of moral high ground because ugh, your social calendar is always just so darn busyyy.

23. You won’t shut up about the hand soap and lotion in the Palm Heights bathroom.

24. You flexed on having a gas stove during the 24 hour power outage because clearly you have superior survival skills to all the other average Joe islanders who literally couldn’t even brew a simple cup of COFFEE. How embarrassing.

25. You feel the need to update your followers on your safety and well-being following a tropical storm (which was basically a hurricane, OKAY?)

26. You’re always moaning about the ungodly Cayman temperatures but go to hot yoga religiously. It’s the detox sit-up that does it for me. (But only if it’s in your practice, of course).

27. You’ve done a photo shoot with Cayman Collective.

28. You pay $100 for a Reviv IV drip on Saturday only to get wasted on a boat party on Sunday.

29. Unreturned, rogue shopping carts inexplicably make your blood boil.

30. Waitrose is the hill you want to die on. (Looking at you, UK expats).

Well Cayman expats, we are as perplexing as we are predictable but to be honest, I kind of love it. While there is always room for more self-awareness, a light sprinkling of quirky, self-indulgence is simply part of being human. So let’s keep living our best island lives and I will keep taking mental notes on our laughable expat antics (stay tuned). Now go walk a dog at the Humane Society and don’t forget to pick up your green juice on the way.